Breaking up is hard to do.

I broke up with my RE.

I sent him a letter through my online chart telling him about the gross miscommunication with the nurse, the undisclosed charges, and the fact that I felt like a fool for pursuing medical intervention.  Nothing against people who chose to pursue medical interventions, but I personally felt like I was being taken advantage of.  That they were playing my emotions and promising hope….more money = more hope.  The physician himself was warm, empathetic, quick to reply to my concerns, and eager to answer my questions.  However, the support staff and the colleague that was covering for him when he was out of town made me feel like just another number…just another dollar in their pocket…another fish on the hook.  I feel like a sucker.  Even worse is the fact that hubby didn’t really believe in the medical end of things in the first place.  I went there because I did.  fool

If the dose of Femara was sufficient, I asked that I get the remaining months in one prescription because it is covered by my insurance.  So, if he will allow me to take Femara for 5 more months, I requested that I get all of the pills that I will need.

I told him that I don’t want to have to call his office and report cycle starts to his nurses.  I don’t want to explain and re-explain my situation.  I don’t want to pee on sticks every day.  I don’t want to pressure myself and my husband to have timed intercourse.  I don’t want to obsess about what cycle day I’m on.  I’m done with that.

I scheduled a surgical consult with a doctor that came highly recommended from a friend of mine at work.  My friend had cysts removed and absolutely loved this doctor.  This doc has her surgical privileges at Froedtert, and that makes me feel more comfortable about the whole general anesthesia thing.  I might as well have the surgery done and get on with it whether it will cost me the entire ovary or not.  It isn’t doing much good as it is.

I also registered my husband and I for the foster parent orientation.  It’s a meeting where we can learn more about what is involved and have our questions answered.  Hubby seems to be taking a step back and offering us a moment to re-evaluate what we want to do with our lives…which direction we want to take.  Would we rather remain child-free and travel?  Or do we start with fostering just to see what the fit is like for us?  The only catch is that we wouldn’t feel right bailing out on a child once they are a part of our family.

Despite the uncertainty of our family life, my work goals have never been more clear.  I want to be a NICU nurse and I will do what I can to pursue that goal.  I had my first interview for a level 3 NICU on Wednesday and was invited back for a second interview on Friday.  The interm-manager, clinical nurse specialist, and I spent about an hour and a half chatting and I was then given a tour of the unit.  During the tour, one nurse even gave me a hug as she has plans to retire in the next 3 years.  A doc shook my hand as I told her that I fell in love with NICU during my special care nursery experience.  The doc replied, “the ones that fall in love are the ones that end up staying.”  I will find out this coming week if I got the job or not.  Fingers crossed!!!

As this year closes, there are so many unknowns for myself and my family.  As of right now, I don’t even have a job come the end of 2014.  I have no idea what is to come and I am laying it all out into God’s hands.

Yes, the quote is from Leroy Jethro Gibbs of NCIS…don’t judge me.

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5 thoughts on “Breaking up is hard to do.

  1. If you ever have questions about foster care you can always email me at 10hopeingod@gmail.com

    Also, I have learned that hope in anything else other than God can disappoint. People disappoint. Doctors disappoint. Medicine disappoints. But the Bible says that hope in God never disappoints. Sending ya hugs. Xo

  2. We are almost through our foster patent application. Our home study is this week. Like you, I felt like a sucker with the doctors. Every time I went in it was $100s of dollars, and for nothing. We are hoping to eventually adopt this way.

  3. Thank you Elisha! You have been such a friend and so supportive. It is very true. All of these external things will dissapoint, that’s a fact. I hope that wonderful things are in store for you too, perhaps little miss goldilocks AND your little boy. ❤ ❤

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